Living or Existing

The difference between living and existing is stepping out of your comfort zone.
Are you Living Or Existing

... read, respond, or not ... it's entirely up to you.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Almost 40

Tonight, a friend was over for a brief visit. She got a call from her friend and was describing me as "fairly good looking for my age". Then she said "yeah, he's almost 40".
Some days I don't want to be the age I am. Some days I wish I could turn back the clocks and be 22 again. It really has nothing to do with my age either. I actually don't feel like I am nearly 40, I am going to be young forever, for real. It actually has everything to do with the fact that I didn't know what I had while I had it. Well, neither did she know what she had.
We were in love immediately and it seemed like nothing would ever tear us apart. Until she became judgmental and tore me down just to protect herself; and, I became untrustworthy, irrational, abusive and tore her down to protect myself. Reading this, one may think "this guy is an asshole, he deserves to be judged and tore down". Yeah, well in order to really know whether I deserved it let's spend some time together, she definitely didn't deserve some of the dishes I served, I know that. However, we were made for each other and still are. Our souls talked on the same frequency, we loved each other desperately. She was / is perfect; she raised and loved my daughters, she gave me two phenomenal kids and she gave me fifteen amazing years with some shitty times. Invariably the shitty things started soon and reared its ugly head periodically. If I could turn back time and be 22 again I would erase the mistakes I made and build that strong foundation.
Now she's sharing the love we once had... well, if you call the shit relationship she has love. This fucking hurts deeply.
Be my guest and return for more judgment or insight...

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Heads You Die, Tails I Kill You

She really doesn't understand how much I feel betrayed. She really doesn't know what I was doing to fix things before she left. She really doesn't know how much I love her, how deeply I care She really doesn't know that all I want to do is hold her close She really doesn't feel how much her laughter heals me She really doesn't understand how much her laughter with him kills me She really doesn't get how much her smile warms me. She really doesn't hear how soothing her voice is to me. I jump with joy every time she comes in my home. My heart skips a beat when I think of her, hear her voice, see her. She doesn't know just how dedicated I am to her.

Go F**k Yourself

Is exactly what I feel like saying to most people, most every day. It seems like nobody wants to give unless they can get more in return. There is never a genuine "hi, how are you today"? Blah Blah Blah, Wah Wah Wah I was supposed to have a real talk with my ex today, that didn't work out to well. It got all complicated, there's just too much shit in the air for it to work smoothly. But I am grateful for her willingness to talk. She had the thought to talk on google hangouts but I am in a funk. I don't know if she understood that, there is a small part of me that doesn't care. I know I am not bullshitting, I was depressed today. Not a time when I want to talk. Anyway, what else is there? Oh yeah, nothing because that's what my life has when my boys are gone. A big fat nothing. One thing I can't stand is the whole hockey thing. I wanted her to watch hockey with me. She always said no. Now she's a super fan. Pisses me off... actually more rips my heart to pieces. But, I guess I should be used to that from her. :(

Friday, September 26, 2014

Hello Again...

Short and sweet today.
Lots has happened since my last post, many years ago. I am so unfollowed by my whopping two "fans". Hopefully more will come :p
My lovely wife, no longer my lovely wife. My lovely life, totally a thing of the past.
Yeah, well shit happens.
Will write more, it seems like a creative way to deal with shit... twitter doesn't allow enough character for ramblers like me and fb is just so fucking catty... full of opinionated assholes and such ;p

Ciao for now.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Lifestyle Discrimination

I find it very odd that the media can broadcast whatever they wish without any question of how it is truly going to effect our society. I am not talking about peoples rights, or the laws which govern how the media is allowed to word things. That's all just smoke and mirrors, fluff if you prefer that term. I personally prefer the term garbage, or crap, or B.S. What I would truly like to know is where is the real accountability; for example: if a story about something that is perceived "may be a problem", or about something that people don't really understand comes across an editors desk why does he/she say to themselves "this deserves to be front page and be on two pages". What about the story where a person has been truly wronged - something legitimately a problem; why is it that story gets little attention, is very small, and tucked away somewhere insignificant. That is morally wrong, it's manipulation and in some cases fear mongering.

We are constantly being told that discrimination is wrong. I strongly believe that to be true. I also strongly believe that the term discrimination is used more as a political card opposed to a way of thinking. It's not used to teach people how not to be but rather used as a cover up or a front. My opinion is supported by the media in two articles I read recently; Boundary changes to bring bikers and Lawyer convicted in scheme. Both of these articles appeared in the October 27, 2009 issue of the Barrie Advance; and can be viewed online by following the links.

Now to give some background, I have known, very dearly, many types of criminals, even those associated with bike clubs. I also have met and had many conversations with the lawyer in the second article. I wouldn't say that gives me the authority to say I knew him, but growing up in certain lifestyles does give a person the authority to say they understand human beings.

When I first met Myles McLellan I was working at a cheque cashing company which offered Western Union money transfers. I served him for the first time while I was training and was introduced to the complexities of wiring money; especially large sums. When I was asked if I would send the money for him I said no. Then I was asked to justify my reason. I told my trainer, who was also the Assistant Manager and served Myles many times, that it didn't add up, I didn't trust him. He knew the system, was very patient, sent funds "all the time" (as I was told by him), and frankly I don't care if you're a lawyer or not, especially if you're a lawyer, you are not that generous unless you are Mother Theresa. My trainer didn't like my judgement and then I was introduced to him as "the guy who sends a lot of money to help poor people". She told me it was okay to go ahead and send the money so I went back to my wicket and completed his transaction. I saw Myles many times after that, at times 2 or 3 times a day. I still didn't trust his activity, but frankly, I didn't really care because I couldn't prove anything, and he brought money into my branch (the branch I later became manager of).

Back in 2006 I lost a money making customer because Myles was arrested for fraud. When I first heard of his arrest I didn't think anything of it except that I was right. Later that week there was a small blurb about him on the radio. How a local lawyer had been charged with fraud; he was taking elderly peoples money that they were trusting him with to pay their mortgage. At that point in time my opinion changed from "I don't care" to "what a fucking slimeball". There was virtually nothing more said about him in the media from that point.

So, here I am three years later reading the newspaper and I see an article suggesting that there is a bike club moving into the area. Which, I know they're already here so my interest is piqued. The article starts off with "The Hells Angels could be calling Barrie home next year". Then it goes on to say that they have owned a club house in Innisfil for ten years and they've never been a problem. So, how will they be a problem in a year when that part of Innisfil becomes part of Barrie? Also, the article states how there are two affiliated brothers who own a tattoo parlour. The Barrie Police Chief who is being interviewed says that there is no issue with the club or the tattoo parlour. He in fact states that biggest issue in a year will be the rise in crime with the rise in population. Then I continue reading through the paper and tucked in a very insignificant section was a revisited story of Mr. Myles McLellan. I should actually say a very dumbed down story of him. He is only now being convicted and sentenced for a "false mortgage scheme".

This made my blood boil. These motherfuckers who write these stories, or the fuckers who edit these stories don't have a brain in their heads, or they're so wrapped up in politics that they're blind as bats. They dedicated the story about the harmless bikers partially to the front page, both pages titles were suggesting that biker presence would cause problems to all of us poor Barrie folk. They could have suggested that the affiliated members who own the tattoo parlour are good citizens for bringing commerce to a downtown core that needs it. Or, they could have mentioned all the good things bikers do in way of fund raising for significant causes. On the other hand you have a snake like McLellan who ripped off old people (a crime in mine and many other peoples eyes that is unforgivable) and his story is being gently told. Almost in a way that makes you want to feel sad for him. Fuck him, he should be strung up and those elderly folks should be able to beat him to death. The media discriminated in a very sneaky way toward a lifestyle that is seen as bad, mostly because of what people don't know. What the hell did the lawyer ever give to our community, nothing. He was wiring that money so he didn't have to give it back. He is a slimy asshole and nothing more.

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Thursday, October 22, 2009

Yummy Yummy Ribs

Last night my 9-year-old, Gavin, and I were hanging out playing on our PS2 and I asked him if he'd like to spend the rest of his time before bed to help me make the dry rub for the ribs which we are cooking for his Grandpa for his birthday.

Gavin was pretty excited to be making ribs for his Grandpa. So, we got out the ingredients we'd need and the measure cup and a large bowl and the measuring spoons. He assumed the responsibility of being "mixer", and he did a great job at it too, and was full of questions about the ingrediants we were using. He even gave his opinion of what else should be in the rub. When we were done he said lets put some Italian Seasoning in it. He was so happy when I said sure lets try that. So, Gavin finished mixing it all up and then he was even excited to help me rub the mix into the meat.

I gave him a large spoon to scoop the dry rub onto the ribs and I was the one who was massaging it into the meat. It was awesome to see the big smile on his face as he was going to bed.

Happy Cooking

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Living or Existing: Let Me Pray For You

Let Me Pray For You

I can't help but wonder what goes through some peoples minds ... for real.

A little while ago my daughters mother decided she was going to start some crap. Then she escalated it all into a war. A war in which I am determined she will not win.

When I was 15 my first little angel was born. Soon after I was not allowed to see her anymore due to her mother being negatively influenced to believe that I would steal money from my new born daughters' piggy bank that was apparently on the bathroom counter. Fifteen years went by before I found her again.

At first everything was seemingly fine ... my daughter and I were building a relationship and her mother seemed very happy about the whole thing. Later my daughter came to live with me, my wife, and two sons. We did as much as we could for her including give up our room and bed. We did all that because we love Tracey deeply. We were also taking care of their family dog - to which we were supposed to get help with (food, vet, etc) and we got nothing of the sort. Eventually the dog (Jack) got fleas and we were having a hell of a time getting rid of them as we also have three cats and are pretty tapped out since I have lost my job. Regardless we did all we could and we were told that we would get help from the owner but we never did. Things were still okay between us all and then her mom dropped the bomb.

She began to try and drive a wedge between my daughter and I; she called CAS on me and claimed I was a bad father. Then she took the dog (who my boys became very attached to); the same dog we were supposed to "share. My wife called her to try and talk sensibly to her and she-devil began to attack me to my wife. I later tried to call her and sensibly talk to her and she refused to talk to me in any way that made sense.

After all this she decided she was going to add two of my family members to her Facebook account (they don't even know her). I messaged her and asked her to delete my family members as they really don't need to be dragged into her crazy wims; I asked her to stop herassing them. Her response was golden;

I have not been contacting your family members, nor have I been harrassing anyone. How dare you send me any messages like this. I'm sorry but I believe that you need the parenting lessons more than I do. The one time I contacted one of your family members it was in regards to Tracey's cell phone that she left behind. Don't send me any messages! This is harrassment if you know what the word means.
I'll pray for you.

I need parenting lesson's? She'll pray for me? Laughable attempts at trying to make me look bad. She is obviously extremely insecure and she can't face the truth. I think someone should pray for her; too bad she has pissed me off so much that I would never pray for her; not under any circumstance.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Kids Can Cook

We have a new blog and facebook group called Kids Can Cook.

the Blog address is and the facebook group address is .
The email address is

There is a multi-purpose to Kids Can Cook.

  • To share recipes, tips, tricks, and ideas on how to get kids to eat their food and like it.

  • To share recipes, tips, tricks, and ideas on how to get kids into the kitchen and enjoy the art of cooking.

  • As a stepping stone to a cook book project which will feature user submitted recipes, tips, tricks, and ideas. As well, games, math and english development, and of course skill building recipes.

  • So please visit our Blog or Facebook Group or just simply email us and share.
    Happy Cooking ;-)

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